about myself before we begin the instructions for this class: I was once a very successful and world-renowned psychiatrist before I landed in jail, after I suffered a nervous breakdown from dealing with all of my clients and the medical community. As a result, I lost all control and regard for human life.Through no fault of my own, I became a serial murderer. In the course of my murder sprees and eluding the authorities, I became mentally deranged and learned how to skin my victims, a hobby many consider rather…off putting.
Therefore, based on my prior experience and long stretches of free time in jail, I have developed an online PhD course available to anyone. As higher education expands over the internet, so have I. However, it is for instructional purposes only. If you were to actually apply the knowledge and techniques imparted here, you would end up incarcerated like me. While my online program enables you to earn a full PhD, this course will simply cover how to skin your victims.
From my medical training as a psychiatrist, I learned about all sorts of tools to help skin my past victims. My most useful and agile tool I used was my scalpel. It was deathly sharp and minimized the trail of evidence. Whether I wanted to make an incision or simply remove layer by layer, it did both jobs. Plus, since I was a doctor, I was easily able to procure countless blades for my scalpel. Once you are familiar with a scalpel and learn how to be proficient with it, you will need to find something to practice on. Normally pigs are used because physiologically they resemble humans. You can easily go to a butcher or grocery store and obtain a swine sample through a rump roast or similar cut. From there you can get a realistic idea of how to skin in the real world.
In addition to teaching yourself in person, you can watch The Silence of the Lambs films to see my practice in action and get a real-life feel for how good of a teacher I am. Here you can see how a similarly deranged person took my teachings and applied them to his own victims. I also have online how-to videos, diagrams and instructions that you can study to pass my exams with flying colors.
As I conclude this introduction to my online skinning class, I want you to remember a few things. If anyone asks you why you are so mad, tell them “Aside from eating my sister? Nothing.” If you are somewhere where you should not be and a security guard or officer asks you what you are doing there, tell them, “Rudeness is an epidemic.” Lastly, remember this phrase that will let you have the psychological edge: “People don’t always tell you what they are thinking. They just see to it that you don’t advance in life.” And, like everything else that is pleasurable in life, “All good things come to those who wait.”